I’ve been a daydreamer all of my life. I used my imagination to get me through the through the day. When I was a kid I would daydream about a happier life when our family bickered about this or that . I would daydream during class, walking home or a car trip. Growing up in the pre-internet era sometimes all you had was your imagination to keep you company. Getting lost in my own head was often preferable to reality.
I would daydream about most anything, books, travel or even the boy in math class. Sometimes my daydreams were pure fiction, sometimes about something I hoped would happen….what I would get for my birthday or who might ask me to dance at the eighth grade dance.
As a kid, my daydreams were often about things happening to me, someone getting me the perfect birthday present or having a peaceful Thanksgiving. As an adult, some of my daydreams are about me making things happen. I spend a lot of daydreaming about my garden. Some of my ideas I acted upon. When it comes to a garden, Mother Nature usually has a say in how your dreams play out.
Once in a while I step out of my somewhat cautious personality and act on an idea to do something wacky, like paint the bathroom orange.
I still daydream from time to time. I daydream about sometime owning a house by the water. I daydream about getting a cute red car. I daydream about living a long life with my husband, long enough to see grandchildren.
My plan is just to get through the night. To wake up in the morning, refreshed and ignorant of what went on through my supposed hours of sleep.
I want no drama, no tangled sheets. No getting up to make it hotter or colder. No buzz from my “smart phone”. No getting up to see what is going on in the world wide web.
No waking up to my legs moving and some curious fragment of a dream. No sensations as if I am falling. No sweating as if I had really been running.
No curious dreams of people I knew in the past or now in the present. The most bizarre dream stories contain people I haven’t seen for years along with people I know presently.
No thoughts of trying a potion to make me sleep. No trying relaxing scents to soothe me to sleep. No one waking up next to me telling me “why don’t you just try to get to sleep, why do you keep getting up”. He who falls asleep in minutes, who doesn’t understand my troubles.
Lastly, no getting up to have a snack, thinking if I only had something to eat, I would fall asleep instantly.
Here I sit. I cannot sleep I do not know the answer. I’m thinking about a million things and waiting for the laundry to be done in the dryer.
I should try to lay down soon, so I don’t feel like crap tomorrow.
I don’t feel tired. I know later when I do, the fatigue will sneak in and fan the flames of depression.
Then I will reach for some sort of caffeinated elixir, and be right back where I started.
If only there was the promise of some exciting dreams once I fell asleep. My last dream was about a snowy parking lot and a truck being stolen. I want my dreams to be more than that!