I feel like I have been doing well with my depression. Having more hours of summer sunshine is always helpful. Usually the effect is like a veil of fog slowly lifting. Then winter comes again and I have to resist the urge to crawl under the covers. In winter there is an urge to want to hibernate, and snarl at anyone who pokes me.
Despite the sunny days my depression has a frozen center which sort of nags at me. There is this pull to do something about the frozen center. It is hard to describe the frozen center. Perhaps it is the expectation I put on myself to be a contained sort of person, not to do anything wild or let go. Maybe another person might respond to this urge by dyeing her hair with a color not found in nature.
I know taking care of the frozen center involves doing something. What that something might be I am not sure. Would it be a collection of small things, like getting a manicure or reading a book. Or would it be something larger, like setting a goal and actually committing to reaching said goal. A real goal, not a crazy one where I set myself up to fail. Spending more time outdoors certainly couldn’t hurt me.
Maybe some people deal with the frozen center by having a gin and tonic or two. I sometimes think about that, but given my family history probably not the best choice. Maybe it is time to look for a new job.
The frozen center is a question, but I am not sure what the answer is.