Why do my tears scare you? Try as I might, they cannot, will not stay inside forever. Eventually, they will make their way to the outside, like a geyser or volcano that can no longer be suppressed. When all is said and done, my tears are just mostly very small amounts of salt and water, what harm will they cause you?
I needed an outlet, the tears weren’t remotely about you. The stiff upper lip, cool as a cucumber act can only go on so long. Sometimes the outside has to match the inside.
I’ve cried before. I know you don’t like it. Maybe you should have walked away and let me be. I am weak, is that what you don’t like? What would you rather I do, keep it all inside, destroy something, get drunk…I don’t know.
The tears have come and gone. The side that cries often fights with the side that tells me I must have no reaction. I’ll clench my fist or bite my tongue in an attempt to stop the tears. Over the years I cry less and less. I try everything to keep the tears at bay, in part to avoid your reaction.
I wish I could forget how things went down in this latest episode. I wish you could accept all of me, even that ugly part of me that sobs and lets the tears flow freely.