She watched him from afar. She watched him even more closely during the few minutes they would see each other during the workday. She tried studying every detail of him in a way she did not do for anyone else. She wanted to imprint every detail about him on her brain.
Of course there were pictures of him online. Posed pictures he had needed to take for work. These didn’t do him justice. She wanted a three dimensional rendering. Of course the online pics showed amazing detail…the almost invisible freckles and the crinkles around his eyes. But he always seemed to be squinting in the pics. She could stare at the online pics as long as she wanted but they brought little satisfaction.
Did he know that she liked him. She never felt normal around him, she hoped she didn’t come across as socially awkward.
What would he say about the stories she played in her head about the two of them. She knew it wasn’t right to spend so much time daydreaming about him. She didn’t even know if he was attached to someone else. If he was attached did she care? No she didn’t think so, not if there was the smallest chance they could be together. How would she make that happen, she didn’t know. She could still hope.
She saw him tonight..he looked like he was growing a beard. That didn’t fit in her story she had crafted about him. She definitely liked him better clean shaven. But she knew, without any attachment to him she shouldn’t even give a passing thought to his facial hair.
She struggled in her head, surely she had no chance. She should focus her energy somewhere else. She always lost the struggle, for tonight would be another restless night.
She had his voice memorized. She remembered his smiles. The smiles were something fleeting. No smiles in his pics online, why was that she wondered?
Her shyness wouldn’t leave her no matter how desperately she wanted to know him. What she wouldn’t give to brush against him. When she saw him though she always gave him a wide berth when he passed..she just didn’t have it in her to “accidentally” make physical contact.
Sometimes in her head she imagined his actions of that particular day to mean he had some interest in her beyond mere courtesy.
Why she can’t stop thinking about him?
As she sits in her office she hears the laugh of another coworker she’d once had a crush on. What had she seen in him? He was nothing compared to her newest crush.
This is inspired in part by a coworker who is always looking for love but is never successful. She often overshares about her latest crush and is quite intense about her feelings.