Going Forward

My sister is down in the dumps.  When I talk to her on the phone it is hard to know if she is sober or not.  I’ve written  before that she has a long history with alcoholism.  Her partner is someone who also struggles to stay sober.  He does nothing to make her life better but she would never admit that.

She’s is tearful.  She is broke.  She can’t do this or that because she is broke.  Sometimes she wants to argue.  Other times she wants to blame her past and current relationship with our mother.  Our father though was the one with the alcoholism, he is dead though, and I think my sister just wants to pick apart my mother.

My mother is far from perfect.  Conversing with my sister though, I just can’t go down the road of blaming my mother for all of my sister’ s present day problems.  I suppose I have lost my patience.

I wish I knew how to help my sister.  Nothing will change until she can get herself sober.  After that she needs to change what she can.  I’m perhaps amazed that my sister wants to blame where her life is today on our mother.  She can’t look in the mirror and see that is the repeated bad choices that she has made that have brought her to where she is today.

Looking in the mirror and taking ownership of the bad along with the good is difficult.  I know because I struggle with truly owning the bad along with the good at times as well.

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3 thoughts on “Going Forward”

  1. I’ve watched my mother with alcoholism for the last 30 years and I’ve checked her into detox twice, picked her up twice. Stayed sober never. My sister is this same character. Blame is easy; it is almost biological to self-preserve. But in truth alcoholics hate themselves. Have you ever read “Drinking a Love Story?” I really enjoyed it and think you’d appreciate the perspective of an educated writer battling her alcoholism … after both her parents were alcoholics. Have you been to AlAnon? I haven’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have not read “Drinking a Love Story”, thanks for the recommendation. I have not been to AlAnon. I wish neither of us were in the family member of an alcoholic “club”. It sucks for all involved.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I highly recommend it; it’s older. Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.

        I wish it too … but you have to focus on what you can control which is your own life. It’s hard, though, because it kind of sets up our brains in a bit of a fucked up way. When your own parents aren’t your true north, per say, who is? Or are we always looking for one? Either way, write your way through it!

        Liked by 1 person

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