What to write, what to say

Day 10 of NaBloPoMo. Will I make it through all thirty days?  I hope so.  I can’t decide what to write today.  The daily prompt doesn’t really speak to me.  I don’t want to write a very long post.

I can’t believe this year is going so fast.  The holidays can sometimes be a bittersweet time for me, but I’m looking forward to them.  I’m not looking forward to colder temperatures and snow though.

Recently we were at a family gathering involving my husband’s side of the family, plus the family of one of the spouses of his siblings.  Does that make sense?  Many of the people know most everyone gathered there, but there are still introductions to be made.  My husband’s mom passed away a few years ago, and his dad is now remarried.  At the time of his remarriage, most of the grandkids were over eighteen.  Some were married and had kids of their own.  All of the grandkids had a very close relationship with their grandmother who had passed away.

The woman he remarried, I’ll call her Jane.  I would say that most are cordial with Jane, but not looking for a motherly or grandmotherly relationship with her.  My husband and his siblings all knew Jane to some degree growing up as someone who lived in their town.  Some had mixed impressions of her before she ever married into my husband’s family.

I get the impression that Jane wants to be seen as some sort of family matriarch.  I don’t exactly understand this because she has her own children and grandchildren where she could be directing that energy.  Jane has made snarky comments about other’s housekeeping or cooking while she has been at my husband’s family member’s houses.  She’s tried to tell me what I should tell my husband in an effort to manage the relationship between him and his dad.  No thanks.

While I can say I had my own differences with my husband’s mother, she was really viewed as the heart of the family by her kids and grandkids.  This seemed to be more evident after she passed and my father in law’s energy seemed to change.  Whenever he was around the grandkids he seemed to always be worrying about Jane.  He didn’t seem to wish to interact with the grandkids if it meant excluding Jane, he seemed be me more of a watcher, rather than an active participant.

Still following?  Here comes the awkward part, the part I don’t quite understand.  As we are making introductions, the grandmother from the other part of the family that is there says “I’m so and so’s grandmother” .  Then Jane says “I’m his other grandmother”  I thought to myself….no you are not.  His grandmother is in heaven.  No one here sees you in a grandmotherly way.  Do you know not have any sensitivity to  your husband’s deceased wife’s children or grandchildren?  Of course father in law says nothing.  Of course many people in attendance know that she is not related by blood to her husband’s children or grandchildren, but not the particular person she is talking to at that moment.

This is not my battle to fight, I’m just an observer.  I’m pretty sure my husband didn’t hear the part about “the other grandmother”.  I’m not sure what the rules are supposed to be in a situation like this.  Do Jane’s feelings reign supreme?   Do the feelings of my father in law’s children and grandchildren matter?

Well that was quite a rant.  I hope it wasn’t too confusing.

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